When someone enters eating disorder treatment, the initial focus often falls on food: what’s being eaten, what’s not, how much, how often. And that’s understandable—nutritional stabilization is essential. But food is only one piece of the puzzle.
Over the past 20+ years, I’ve sat with hundreds of individuals navigating the long, courageous road of recovery. And time and again, I return to this truth:
The eating disorder is not the problem—it’s the attempted solution.
It’s the coping mechanism that stepped in when something inside was hurting, unmet, or overwhelmed. That’s why I often describe recovery as the slow, sacred work of putting together a puzzle. The behaviors may be the edge pieces—the ones we can see clearly—but the picture in the center? That’s more complex, more tender, and more personal.
🧩 What Was the Eating Disorder Doing for You?
One of the most important (and hardest) questions we ask in recovery is this:
What was the eating disorder helping you manage?
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Was it a way to feel in control when life felt chaotic?
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A numbing agent for grief, trauma, or anxiety?
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A distraction from loneliness or shame?
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A strategy to gain affirmation in a culture that worships thinness?
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A way to disappear when being seen felt dangerous?
This question isn’t meant to justify the disorder—it’s meant to understand it. Because once we understand what purpose the eating disorder was serving, we can begin to explore healthier, more life-giving ways to meet those same needs.
🧠 Recovery Isn’t Linear—It’s Layered
Recovery doesn’t unfold like a checklist. It’s not something you “complete” in neat stages. It often feels more like sorting puzzle pieces:
Some days you find a piece that fits—an insight, a new boundary, a small act of self-kindness.
Other days, you try a hundred pieces before anything makes sense.
And sometimes, the image feels upside-down and unclear for a long time.
That’s not a sign of failure. It’s part of the process.
Real healing requires patience, safety, and the willingness to sit with discomfort—especially in the messy middle, when you’ve let go of old coping mechanisms but haven’t yet found solid ground. This middle space is sacred. It’s where integration begins.
❤️ You Are More Than the Disorder
Many of my clients fear that without the eating disorder, they won’t know who they are. That fear makes so much sense. After all, the disorder often shapes how someone eats, moves, relates to others, even sees themselves.
But here’s the truth I want you to carry:
You are not your eating disorder.
You are someone who survived.
And now, you’re learning how to live.
Recovery is not just about taking something away—it’s about rebuilding. We don’t just remove behaviors. We create a life that doesn’t need them anymore.
What are we building instead?
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Connection
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Emotional safety
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Self-trust
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A sense of purpose
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Nourishment—for the body and the soul
🔄 Bringing the Puzzle into the Light
Some pieces of your story might still feel hidden—shaped by secrecy, shame, or pain. But they’re not too dark to be seen. They’re not too broken to be healed. Often, they’re the very pieces waiting to be loved, reclaimed, and integrated.
Recovery is not about returning to who you were before the disorder. It’s about becoming more fully who you were always meant to be.
🌱 If You’re Just Beginning—or Beginning Again
Whether this is your first step into recovery or your fifth attempt to re-engage after a setback, I want you to hear this:
You don’t need to have it all figured out.
You don’t have to see the whole picture.
You just need to be willing to turn over one piece at a time—with compassion, with courage, and with curiosity.
Because every piece matters…And you matter most of all.