Supporting someone in recovery from an eating disorder can be hard—especially when you deeply care and just want to say the “right” thing. But even well-intentioned comments can feel triggering, dismissive, or hurtful to someone who is working hard to heal their relationship with food, their body, and themselves.
This post isn’t about shame or guilt. It’s about awareness—and learning how to show up with empathy and care.
Here are some common phrases to avoid, and what you might say instead.
1. “You look so healthy!”
Why it’s unhelpful:
What you meant as a compliment may feel like a comment on weight or appearance—two things that are often sensitive in recovery. Many people interpret it as “You’ve gained weight,” even if that’s not your intent.
Try instead:
“I’m really glad to see you.”
Or: “You seem more present—how have you been feeling?”
2. “I wish I had your discipline.”
Why it’s unhelpful:
This unintentionally praises a symptom of the disorder. What looks like “control” on the outside is often pain and obsession on the inside.
Try instead:
“I admire the courage it takes to choose recovery. That’s real strength.”
3. “Just eat!” or “Why don’t you just stop doing that?”
Why it’s unhelpful:
Eating disorders are not about logic or willpower. They are complex mental health conditions that require deep emotional work—not just “trying harder.”
Try instead:
“I know this is difficult, and I believe in your ability to heal. I’m here for you.”
4. “Everyone overeats sometimes.” / “We all feel fat sometimes.”
Why it’s unhelpful:
These comments might be meant to relate or normalize—but they can feel minimizing or invalidating to someone in recovery.
Try instead:
“I don’t fully understand what it’s like, but I want to learn. What’s been hard for you lately?”
5. Comments about food, weight, or diets—yours or theirs
Why it’s unhelpful:
Diet talk, weight loss chatter, and “health” obsessions are common in our culture—but they can be incredibly triggering for someone in recovery.
Try instead:
Focus on things that bring real connection: shared interests, feelings, dreams, memories, or even silence.
What They Do Need From You
- Compassion, not commentary
- Curiosity, not correction
- Presence, not pressure
- Support, not solutions
You don’t need to say the perfect thing. You just need to be kind, open, and willing to grow in your understanding.
If You’re Supporting Someone in Recovery
Ask them what feels helpful—and what doesn’t. Let them know they are not a burden. Be willing to sit with discomfort or uncertainty without trying to fix it.
Recovery is hard, but your support can make it feel a little less lonely.
You don’t have to understand everything about eating disorders to be a good support person. You just have to be present, patient, and willing to love someone through it.